


Patching the Holes

by alex_kade



Category: James Bond (Craig movies), SPECTRE (2015), Skyfall (2012) - Fandom
Genre: 003 has some anger issues to work out, Angst, Forgiveness, Gregory Hind is forever 003, Hurt/Comfort, Kid!Fic, Q is tiny and adorable and still the smartest person in the world, Saul Mason as 002 is his BFF, Stupid decisions, Violence, Whump, also 004 needs to make another cameo because Aiden and I can't, also a dog, and no one to actually take them out on, because 00 agents are all actually crazy people in nice suits, because Glock should always be a thing, besties take a lot of crap from each other, of course, so making himself a target is his brilliant idea of making up for it, this was supposed to be a ficlet but it got too long so now it's a chapter thing, uhhh I should probably include some real search tags, yeah that surprised me too
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-22
Updated: 2016-01-24
Packaged: 2018-05-08 00:25:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5476181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alex_kade/pseuds/alex_kade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>003 has been healing for what seems like forever, and now that he finally has clearance to get physical, he's itching to take it to the extreme. An agent is only as good as his ability to take out a target, after all, and Gregory Hind is out to prove that he's still capable of doing just that. Unfortunately, things don't go quite as planned, but the consequences of his actions could effect more than just his pride. With the possibility of Q being taken away from Bond being one such consequence, he now has a mission of his own making - to set things right.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Attack-Dogs Make Great Babysitters](https://archiveofourown.org/works/710074) by [Only_1_Truth](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Only_1_Truth/pseuds/Only_1_Truth). 



> I'm 003 trash. Shamelessly. Dark hair, dark blue eyes, redeemed asshole personality - Gregory Hind is one of my top character-type biases. And then he went and got himself all almost-dead (protecting lil Q, no less), which is my other favorite thing (teh whumps), so naturally I just have to drag out his healing and angst for as long as I can get away with. It's kind of the type of oxygen I breathe. 
> 
> This follows my other fic, [Child's Logic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5421086), which is set in Truth's "Attack Dogs" universe. Because it's a fun, fun sandbox to play in. :)
> 
> Oh, and warning for bad language.

Saul grunted as he found himself pinned to the mat for the third time, a heavy weight pressed against his back, his arm torqued painfully up behind him. 

"It's not sparring," an angry voice hissed into his ear, "if you don't  _try_."

002 stayed still, as relaxed as possible even when 003 tugged his arm up even higher to punctuate his statement. The man could very well dislocate his arm in that position, and Saul didn't doubt that he would if given enough reason. Just because they were best friends didn't make them incapable of hurting one another. They  _were_ double-oh agents, after all, who weren't exactly known for their stability in hostile situations. 003 had been confined to bed rest at Medical for ages, coupled with the humility of working his way out of a wheelchair, gaining a little freedom when he was allowed to return home (except it hadn't been _his_ home because his apartment had been compromised, as well as pretty much destroyed during Q's abduction, so Saul packed up whatever was important and salvageable and moved the things into Gregory's new assigned flat, making it an unfamiliar place that Hind was forced to adjust to while trying to heal both physically and emotionally - not exactly a peaceful way to continue to recover), and now, finally, he'd been given clearance to go back to a light exercise regime tailored more towards the tastes of trained assassins. In short, 003 had just been given his first real bone since he'd nearly died, and he was aiming to shred it to pieces. Saul's job was to make sure his friend didn't choke on the splinters.

" _Light_  sparring," 002 reminded him calmly. "You got cleared for  _light_ sparring, Gregory, and only just this morning. It won't do you any favors to hurt yourself doing too much too soon."

Another painful jerk of the arm, a hard, flat-palmed strike to his shoulder just to show that he _could_  still easily wrench his friend's socket out (but was choosing not to), and Hind finally released his hold on him. He continued to sit straddling Saul's lower back, however, not quite ready to let him off the hook entirely.

"Too soon?" he huffed, exasperated. "I've been in recovery for  _months_ , Saul. I've been cleared. Now stop acting like a fucking pansy and fight me like you mean it."

He allowed 002 to get to his feet, but it became clear very quickly that he was not going to get the fight that he was itching for. Mason barely took up a defensive stance against him, which only served to make Hind feel weak and vulnerable in his friend's eyes. He was not being taken seriously as a threat, and that infuriated him more than anything.

"Come on!" he shouted, waving 002 forward.

Saul shook his head and humored 003 by lunging forward, easily getting himself caught up and flipped over. He rolled into it, able to come back up to his feet on the other side of the mat, but not before escaping a hard punch to his kidney. It was a real hit that time, nearly dropping him back to his knees.

Gregory bounced back, his jaw set in a grim line as he stared down his friend. "Take this seriously, or I  _will_ hurt you," he promised darkly.

" _Now_ you tell me," Mason grumbled as he attempted to stand up straight. It wasn't working out so well. He'd probably be pissing blood after that hit. Still, he grit his teeth and went after 003 again, feeling his own adrenaline beginning to pick up with the threat of actual danger. He dutifully kept it in check, though, and suffered a kick to the back of his knee because of it. This time he  _did_ go down, puffing out little curses at the pain.

"That's on you," Hind growled.

At least he had the decency to sound the slightest bit guilty about it. Not that anyone else would've noticed, but 002 and 003 had been close friends for long enough that Saul could easily pick up the slight inflections in his tone. Didn't stop his kidney and knee from hurting, though. If he kept it up like this, Gregory might just put him in Medical on principle, or simply so that he'd have someone else to keep him entertained while still on recovery leave.

"Look," Saul started in what was supposed to be an appeasing manner as he stumbled back to his feet, but only came out mildly annoyed, "you can beat on me all you want if it makes you feel better, but I'm _not_ doing this with you, not until you're back to being one hundred percent." He dropped his gaze to the floor, leaning down on his good knee to breathe through the tight twinge in his back. "Christ, Greg, you can't even run the full mile without getting winded. Your lung-"

 _Huge_ mistake taking his eyes off a trained killer, even if he was his friend. Hind wasn't known for keeping his temper in check, and with it boiling so close to the surface as it was, Mason's words quite efficiently pushed him straight over that edge into going full-blown nuclear. Saul was on the ground, his face skipping over pain and going straight to numb before he even realized that 003 had hit him. That part was just beginning to register in his brain when he was struck by another hard punch, and another before the violent attack abruptly stopped. Three hits, courtesy of an injured but enraged 003, were all it took to keep Saul on the floor, his head swimming as he fought to keep his vision from going completely dark on him.  _  
_

"Asshole," Gregory grunted as he backed off. All Saul could hear in the curse was  _I'm sorry_ , and then Hind was gone. _  
_

~~~~~~~~~

Q was happily sitting in his designated station when the usual chorus of keyboards clacking, computer cases humming, and technology-laced conversations buzzing away suddenly died out with the speed of a tidal wave snuffing out a camp fire. He looked up to see 003 leaning in the doorway, his breaths coming out as if he'd just gotten off the track, his eyes wide and hard as they scanned the room until they landed on  _him._ They locked gazes for a second until the agent stomped towards him, fast and angry, and Q had to fight back the fear that was bubbling up inside him. Hind was coming at him like Westford used to do, but outside of that initial meeting, 003 had never done anything to intentionally hurt him. In fact, Q had become one of the few people in the entire building (probably in the entire world, based on Hind's track record) that the agent actually seemed to like, so whatever it was that he was angry about, Q made it a point to trust that the licensed assassin was not about to use his skills on a seven-year-old.

"Gregory?" Q questioned as the man stopped beside his desk. "Did I do something wrong?"

Hind's eyes softened just a touch, just enough to make Q relax the slightest bit before the agent's hand shot out and gripped at the boy's beloved gear hoodie. "Come with me," he ordered in what was a tightly-controlled tone (well, controlled for him, anyway), tugging Q out of his chair before the kid had a chance to respond. Panic was the first reaction that came to mind, but Q pushed it down and did his best to put a lid on that bucket. Gregory was a friend. He wouldn't hurt him. He would never hurt him. He almost died protecting him. As long as Q kept telling himself that, everything would be fine.

"Gregory, what?" R started, boldly stepping between the angry agent and the door.

Hind snarled at her. Actually  _snarled,_ causing Q's mantra to falter. " _Move_."

She held her ground, brave soul that she was. Of course, it was a little easier to be brave when one found themselves to be in a double-oh agent's corner. Gregory would listen to R. He  _always_ listened to R.

Gregory did not listen to R. Instead, he narrowed his eyes and simply shoved her aside - not hard, not enough to even remotely hurt her, but enough to serve as a warning that he was willing to get physical if necessary. It was a move that was startling to both R and Q alike; clearly there was something very wrong with 003 if he was so willing to burn bridges with the few tentative friends he had managed to make over these past few months. He was dangerous right now, not thinking clearly, very much the agent he tended to be when just coming off a difficult mission. Except he hadn't  _been_ on a mission, not for ages, so there was no reason Q could think of that would be making him act out like this. Still, he knew enough now to realize that logic would not be a very effective weapon against the man. If he needed Q for something, it would be best for everyone if Q just went with him until he got whatever it was that he wanted. 

Hind tugged on his arm again, pulling him along with intent purpose, but Q realized belatedly that it didn't actually hurt. Not that he had any hopes of escaping 003's grasp when it would be rather easy for the man to just pick him up and carry him under his arm like a wriggly puppy, but still, it served to put the young genius at ease just a little. Gregory was  _not_ aiming to hurt him. It wasn't just wishful thinking on a frightened boy's part; it was a fact. Angry as he was, he was keeping himself in check just enough to prevent himself from causing injury.

"Where are we going?" Q ventured to ask, doing his best to keep the waiver out of his voice.

It took a minute for Hind to answer, long enough for Q to realize with startling clarity that the agent didn't actually _have_ an answer to the question, at least not until they rounded the corner into a wide corridor to find Bond stepping into view at the other end - Bond, with nothing short of a murderous glint in his eyes as he stared daggers into 003.

"Hind," he barked, low and deadly. "Let. Him. Go."

A smile lit up Gregory's entire face, one that said with an almost manic clarity that this was exactly what he'd been searching for. "Make me," he challenged, and gripped Q's wrist just a little bit tighter.

That was all the invitation 007 needed to let the tiger out of its cage, moving with violent purpose down the corridor with a speed that Q hardly believed was human. Despite Hind's last words, the very first thing he did was to release his hold on Q's arm, shoving the boy aside at the last second before Bond was on him like a predator latching onto its prey. 003 was no harmless gazelle, though, and bared his own teeth and claws with equal ferocity, the smile never leaving his face.

Q scrambled back against the wall, pressing himself between two chairs that lined one side of the hallway, watching with mortified awe as his self-appointed guardian and one of his new friends attacked each other with vicious intent. It was like nothing he had ever seen before, and he imagined this was what it must've been like to witness a battle between two Great White sharks - fluid and morbidly beautiful as the two flowed around one another, each movement they made coated with a honey of lethal, noxious poison. It probably would've gone on for several bloody, agonizing rounds until one of the two put the other out of commission if not for the simple fact that one of them was already significantly weaker than the other, and had foolishly chosen to bait said other with the worst lure possible - a threat to his child. Every paternal instinct had fired within Bond's psyche, blinding him to the fact that Hind had stopped attacking several blows ago and was now simply doing his best to fend off 007's fury. He was pinned against the wall, doubled over himself, one hand pressed to his chest as the other continued to fail in warding off his attacker.

"James, stop! Stop!" Q shouted, bolting out from his hiding spot and slipping himself between the two agents. He realized in hindsight how stupid an idea that probably was given the mindset Bond was currently operating under, but instinct had taken the place of logic in the moment, telling him that if he didn't intervene, 007 might just have killed 003. As it was, it seemed the same paternal fires raging through Bond that had spawned the attack served equally well to quell it when suddenly faced with the very person he'd been trying to protect. As James looked at Q his eyes seemed to clear a little, his raised hand dropping as he puzzled over the child for a moment as if not understanding what Q was saying or how he even came to appear before him. Everything clicked into place, however, when a moment later 003 fell heavily to the floor, wheezing horribly and choking on the blood seeping from his nose into his wide-open mouth. 

"Shit," Bond hissed, fully realizing exactly what he'd done and instantly dropping to the floor beside his fellow agent. Hooking his arms underneath him, he lifted Gregory up to a partial sitting position and turned him slightly, allowing the blood to at least drip down harmlessly to the floor instead of going down his throat. Hind didn't seem to notice, too focused on the hardship of simply drawing in air, frantically trying to suck in one painful breath after another.

"Bond?" Q asked, worry flooding his tone.

James looked up to reply when he was interrupted by 002 sprinting around the corner, sporting an obvious limp and a face as bloodied as Bond's and Hind's. He slowed only briefly when he took in the sight before him, putting the pieces together instantly and letting out a stream of worry-laced curses as he slid down beside his friend.

"Gregory, you stupid, stubborn-" he started under his breath, but cut off his tirade as he pulled a prescription inhaler from his pocket. "Fucking knew it. Here, Greg, deep breath now. You can do it."

Mercilessly shoving the inhaler to Hind's lips, he held it there until 003 took several halted breaths of the medicated air, then finally one large one that ended in him folding over himself in Bond's arms with a painful cough.

"I'm okay," he muttered breathlessly when it was over, pushing rather pathetically at Bond's hands in a sad attempt to get out of the other agent's hold. "Bond, you ass, let go. I'm fine."

Taking pity on his friend, Saul braced his hands around him, taking his weight out of 007's arms. "Fine. Right. That's a load of bullshit. Can you even stand?"

Hind arched an eyebrow at him. "Can you?" He smiled then, his blood-coated teeth making the expression ghastly, moreso given the slight wheezing sounds he was still making as he continued to struggle a bit with each inhale he took. 

"Yeah, but not while holding _your_ dead weight," Saul grunted back, and resigned himself to getting comfortable on the floor, pulling his friend into a more relaxed position against him. He shoved the inhaler into Gregory's hand, leaving it up 003 to breathe for himself before turning his eyes up at Bond. "Call Medical," he mouthed, clearly afraid that saying it out loud might push 003 into another suicidal tirade.

Bond simply nodded and backed away, taking Q's hand to bring him along and away from the scene that no child should've had to witness.

"He'll be okay, won't he?" Q asked softly as they turned down the hallway Saul had come from.

Bond snorted. "Lucky for him, the ornery ones always live the longest. He'll be fine."

Q wasn't quite so sure.

~~~~~~~~~

R hurried down the hall, finally able to make her escape from the demands of Q-branch in order to track down Gregory and Gear. She didn't  _really_ think that 003 would hurt their resident child genius, but that familiar fire in his eyes spoke of past days when he and 002 would terrorize techies for no other reason than just to burn off steam. No one got hurt then, either, but there were far more ways to injure a person than just with physical violence. With everything that poor little Gear had gone through, Hind could easily damage him without even meaning to. Thinking of that had made her text Bond, figuring he'd put a stop to anything nefarious before things got out of hand.

What she hadn't been expecting was to turn the corner and stumble upon a scene that looked straight out of a war film, one wounded soldier propped against a wall, his (usually dying) comrade lax in his arms. Oh god, R had used Bond to kill Gregory. This was bad in so,  _so_ many ways.

"Oh my god. Oh my god! Saul, is he-" she babbled as she hurried over. "Oh god, this is my fault. This is all my fault!"

"I'm not dead, R," Hind answered for himself in an exhausted mumble around slow, measured breaths.

"Hush, Gregory," Mason scolded before glancing up at their new visitor. "And how is this your fault?"

"Oh man, I called Bond," she hurriedly confessed. "I called him to rescue Gear, but I didn't think there'd be an actual fight. There were supposed to be stern words and some posturing, probably, maybe a few threats, no actual fighting. Bond was supposed to be all protective and responsible and showing what a good parent he could be. He wasn't supposed to try to  _kill_ anybody! And Gear! Oh, poor Gear, did he see it? Of course he did, didn't he? Oh, this is bad. This is a right  _mess_ , guys, that's what this is. I buggered this all up for  _everyone_."

Hind opened his mouth to say something again, but Saul quickly shushed him for the second time and took up the mantle of speaking for them both. "It's not your fault, R. Gregory, here, was out looking for a fight. He just used you and Q to get it like the masochistic idiot that he is. Pretty much went exactly how I told him it would, though, didn't it, Hind?"

003 raised a hand to flip him off, but otherwise continued to lay there with his eyes shut and breathing like he was asleep. It was odd, like literally watching someone make lewd gestures while completely unconscious. R thought maybe it was something agents could do naturally - sleep cursing via sign language. Like a special hidden talent.

"Well, is he okay?" she asked, now with a hint of anger mixed in with her concern. "And are you? And how badly does Bond look if it was the two of you against-"

"No, no, not two against one." Saul pointed at his own bloodied face. "This was 003 letting off some steam before going on his little kamikaze mission. Looked like he got in a few good hits on 007, though, didn't you, Greg?"

The two shared a smile (003 doing so, once again, while still appearing to be utterly asleep), which helped put R's concern a little more at ease. In doing so, however, the flames of her ire were only fueled that much more. She turned around and threw up her hands in exasperation.

"Do you have any idea what you've done?" she blurted out. "Guys. There's a  _child_ involved. Now that Gear's well on the mend from his ordeal, I got word that Bond and Alec are about to be reviewed by a formal board to see if they can remain as his official guardians. Odds are stacked against them enough as it already, what with both of them being deadly British assassins and all. If word gets out that one of them went ballistic on a coworker right in front of Gear's face, they'll likely house him somewhere normal and safe and far away from here where the poor baby will just be bored to tears. Ugh! Why can't you agents ever think with your brains instead of with your dumb testosterone?!"

There was silence for a second before Hind huffed out a breathy, "Fuck." Saul didn't shush him that time, nor when 003 continued with, "We have to fix this."

Yes, they did, and the first step in doing so was to call up Bond before he could tell Medical what had gone down.

~~~~~~~~~

"002," Bond answered his phone smoothly as he pushed the door open to the hospital wing of MI6. The looks on the staffs' faces were almost priceless as they tried to figure out what 007 could possibly be doing, walking in there on his own two feet without being hauled in against his will. He had clearly been in a fight - a bad one, by the looks of it - but not so bad as to warrant him heading to Medical under his own volition. A bloodied face, some bruising, a few cuts? No, this was something he typically dealt with on his own with a simple first aid kit and a bottle of vodka. Maybe bourbon. Probably whiskey. Definitely _not_ with antiseptic and band-aids from Medical. It was...disconcerting to see him there, to say the least.

"Have you spoken to anyone in Medical yet?" was Saul's impatient reply.

"I just walked in."

There was the slightest sigh of...relief? Why would 002 sound relieved that Bond hadn't fetched help for his friend just yet?

"Okay," Mason continued. "Shit. Can't believe...I should've pulled my goddamn punches. I just...the way he came at me. Christ, James, I could've killed him."

Bond, trained spy that he was, pursed his lips together. He knew a cover when it presented itself. Whatever this was, Saul was speaking as if there was a bug in their phone, meaning whatever Bond said in return could make or break said cover. In this case, silence was typically the best response when not knowing what he was dealing with.

"Thank god you were there to break us up," Mason uttered under his breath as if talking to himself. "Hold on--take it easy, Greg." A pause, then a muffled voice Bond could just identify as one of 003's rough grunts before Saul came back on. "He's asking if the kid's okay."

Bond glanced at Q, who was watching him with confused interest. "Worried about Hind, but otherwise alright."

"Good. Great." Gregory mumble something else in the background and Saul chuckled. "Nah, he's a tough little runt. Gregory's joking about the kid turning himself into child protection just to get away from us."

 _That_ was it, the key phrase, the real meaning behind the odd phone call. 002's last words had held just the tiniest bit more emphasis than the others, not enough for an untrained ear to pick up on, but loud and clear inside 007's keen mind. He set his jaw to keep the building alarm off his face - was Q in danger of being filtered into London's foster system? It certainly wouldn't be by his choice, not with how closely he had bonded with his MI6 family; but he _was_ only a child, so really it was only a matter of time before the issue would come up in regards to his legal guardianship. If that, indeed, was happening right now, then witnessing Bond nearly kill a friend in front of him...

James put his hand on Q's head, smoothing down his hair (and his own nerves in the process). "I think our Q rather likes the excitement of MI6," he grinned. "But do thank 003 for his concern. I'll be there with Medical shortly."

He hung up, feeling nothing of the calm demeanor he was portraying on the outside. At least whatever was going on, 002 and 003 seemed to be on his side of it, something that Bond didn't even question despite the fact that he'd just severely aggravated Hind's previously collapsed lung. With 003 standing there, violence coming off him in waves, his hand latched onto Q's arm, Bond had temporarily forgotten that the man was far from well enough to stand his ground in a real fight against a fellow agent. Still, it had been a fight among siblings, in a way - they could mess with each another all they wanted, but should an outsider threaten any of them in any way, they would hold their ground together. There was no room for grudges when up against a common enemy, and though right now Bond was a bit out of the loop in exactly who that enemy was, he trusted 003 and 002 to safeguard him and Q against it until they could catch him up to speed. That meant playing along with their game without question, something he could only hope little Q was smart enough to catch onto.

"I need a unit dispatched to the southern corridor near Q-branch immediately," James said to the next passing Medical personnel to catch his eye.

"The situation?" the nurse asked, seeming to be instantly put at ease somehow by the fact that Bond was not, in fact, admitting himself into their care.

James glanced at Q for only a second, praying the boy would hold his tongue. "Hind and Mason got into a bit of tussle."

"Damage?" the nurse continued, flagging down some of her people instantly to assist. She didn't at all seem surprised (probably because it was Hind they were dealing with). Actually, the way they were acting, it seemed they already had a protocol set in place for exactly this precise sort of scenario.

And Q, thankfully, kept his mouth shut, though he squinted his eyes at Bond as if that would help him decipher the meaning behind this new game they were clearly playing (and, no, he did not actually believe this to be any sort of actual child's game. This was an outright lie, but in a spy's world, lies kept people alive, so he would run with it until he could question Bond about it later).

"Severe," Bond answered curtly, and left it at that. It was enough. He then reached for Q's hand, who took it without question. "Come on, Q. We'll come back to visit Gregory later once they have him settled. Alright?"

"Can we wait in Q-branch?" the boy questioned, requesting of Bond to be returned to his safety zone within the agency.

Good. It was exactly where Bond wanted to head, anyway. This had all started with a text from R, after all, so perhaps she would be capable of shedding some light on the situation. He hoped so. If this really did have to do with Q possibly being removed from his care, he didn't think he could wait until Medical was done patching up Hind to get the details.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A single double-oh can scheme like the devil. Add in two more, every member of Q-branch, and a genius child? The rest of the world doesn't stand a chance...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg, I took so long to update! So sorry! Between busy work weeks and my muse just being the distracted little thing that it is, it's taken me far longer than it should have to get this out. I'll try to be better! I swear!

Though it was the quickest way, Bond did  _not_ take Q back down the same corridor to reach the boy's beloved techno-haven, decidedly not interested in having to pass by Medical personnel as they paraded Hind back down to the prison he'd all-too-recently escaped from. It wasn't so much that 007 felt guilty about being the one to send him there - it appeared 003 had been specifically asking for it, after all - but he  _was_ angry about the whole situation, and therefore felt it unwise to face the man again so soon. He'd likely punch him right there on the gurney for using Q like that, like he was a bit of bait in a sporting game, and he was more than a little angry at himself for so easily playing into said game. He was one of MI6's best agents, for Christ's sake, he was _trained_ to read the angles in a situation before reacting; part of him wondered now if this potential question of whether Q was being taken away from him or not was more for Bond's benefit than it was for the boy's. 

Benefit. Right. Bond huffed at the thought. If MI6 thought taking Q away from him would make him more sharp, they'd find out very easily how deep and how swift he could cut. He would kill for the child, _had_ killed for the child, and Alec would be quick to come behind him to burn away the evidence (literally). Gregory and Saul were clearly onboard to help (which did put a few points back on Hind's record), and with R in his corner, the agency really didn't stand a chance against them.  _If_ R were in his corner. He figured he should probably find out exactly what was going on before planning a murderous mutiny against his own employers.

"Oh, thank god," the punky tech in question greeted as soon as Bond stepped into Q-branch; well, greeted, and then immediately seemed to regret the sentiment as soon as her eyes settled on the agent's face. "Fudge on a stick, Bond! You could've at least cleaned yourself up before--ugh! I don't know why I bother with any of you, just follow me so I can take care of all that before you get into any more trouble. Gear, Stefan's in the middle of wiping an important file, if you could be a sweetheart and make sure there aren't any traces of it left, I'd appreciate it, thanks."

Bond blinked dumbly for a second, wondering if R had taken a single breath in all of that, but jumped readily enough to follow her as soon as she turned and began walking briskly away. She lead him out to the emergency station that held all the essentials for taking care of Q-branch employees in the occurrence of lab-experiments-gone-wrong, complete with sink and small shower in the case of chemical spillage, and ordered him to strip off his shirt. He did so without question, making his way to the sink without being ordered to so he could wash the blood from his face, and paying no mind to the warm fingers that were gently prodding his ribcage.

"Lucky," she tsked, "He could've broken these if he'd wanted to."

"I could've broken his," he countered as if he were simply commenting on the weather. He leaned up to grin at her just in time to catch the roll of her eyes.

She definitely did not smile back. "Right, this is what you guys look like when you're  _trying_ to pull your punches," she grumbled. "Not exactly something to congratulate you guys about."

Bond shrugged. "I didn't kill him."

"Barely." She gripped his chin and held it still while she roughly applied stinging antiseptic to a cut on his cheek. "Leaving a coworker half dead instead of all the way dead is not going to earn you any points when child protection starts snooping around."

Now it was Bond's turn to frown. Or snarl. His face definitely twisted into something more of a snarl as he demanded, "Tell me what you know."

What R knew (apparently through a bit of "accidental" overhearing) was that M, herself, somewhat questioned the well-being of such a young child in the care of two of her most dangerous double-oh agents. It wasn't that she was being intentionally cruel in wanting the situation evaluated from an outside, professional standpoint; it was just the fact that she was looking at this situation from the viewpoint of a mother, as well as from the viewpoint of the head of MI6. There were factors involved: one being that the child would continue to grow up in a world of violence; different from the one he had left, but a far cry from the normalcy that a child would deserve. Another factor was that either Bond or Alec (or both) could fail to return from a mission, leaving the child without guardians that he had become perhaps a bit overly attached to, which would lead to further scarring of his young psyche. There was the matter of his personal safety, of course - MI6 agents had a habit of making enemies of themselves, putting everyone they were close to at risk of becoming a target of revenge. Then there were the social growth aspects, the fact that Q had never really had an opportunity to interact with children his own age and therefore never had an opportunity to make friends for himself that could open his eyes to the wonders of childhood that he'd never gotten to experience. Basically, there were just so many important aspects of life that Q would need to experience in order to have a chance at growing into his own person, to really get to explore what other interests or skills he might have that would allow him to have dreams and build relationships in a world outside of spies and villains. He needed a chance to  _be a child_ so that when he grew up, he could make an educated decision on who he really wanted to be. If that path still lead to MI6, they would all welcome him with open arms, but M felt the boy at least deserved an option, to not be specifically tailored (even if unintentionally) to a life of espionage; and M, despite her concerns, also believed herself to be just as biased in regards to whom Q should live with, having seen how tight the bond was between Q and her agents. Therefore she felt that the opinion of their local child protective services would serve better to properly determine what would be best for the child in the long run.

Listening to all of this, Bond felt himself feeling betrayed and angry at first, but by the time R was finished explaining (and had finished doctoring his face), he simply felt drained. His shoulders were actually slumped forward in an odd sort of defeat, his brow furrowed in deep thought.

"I'm going to lose him," he said quietly, his voice hardly a mumbled whisper that R only heard because she was still so close in his personal space.

Well  _that_ wouldn't do. With fire in her own eyes that would've matched Bond's from moments before, she tilted his head up so he'd be forced to look at her. "Really? You'll take on Gregory freakin' Hind in the middle of a hallway and, like, a thousand goons with rifles pointed at your head, but you're going to give up at the first mention of a little evaluation? That doesn't sound like 007. Alright, who are you and what have you done with James Bond?"

Bond sighed. "James Bond has been selfish." He pulled out of her grasp and looked towards the door as if he could see right through it. "I've gotten so caught up in hiding him from the world that I've forgotten he's never had a chance to even see it. Even I got to be a child for a little while."

"And that's why you're the perfect person for the job of raising him," R countered. "He can't go to a normal family. We all know that. As sad as it is, that ship sailed a long time ago for him. He's been exposed to too much and a normal family wouldn't understand him. You know exactly what he needs, who to protect him from, and how to cater to his PTSD  _and_ his genius.  _But_ , you also have it in you to treat him like a regular little boy. You do it all the time subconsciously, we've all seen it. Just tap into that part of yourself that remembers what it was like to have a loving family. Remember how your parents used to raise you. Do what they did. And, god help us, hopefully you can teach Alec how to do the same because we all know he was raised by crocodiles."

That got a chuckle out of Bond before he turned serious again. "It's been a long time. I don't know if I can remember how to be a proper parent."

"Which is why we're all going to help you," R informed him with a warm smile. "Starting with erasing what just happened in the hallway."

"They'll notice that the footage is missing," Bond commented, but not in his previous depressive tone. The gears were working in his head again, R could practically see them firing up. Good. It looked like she had their best agent back onboard Mission: Don't Lose Q. 

"No, they won't," she chirped merrily. "Because as soon as 003 escapes from Medical, we're going to perform a little reenactment."

The smile on her face was nothing short of mischievous now, and James couldn't help but love it.

~~~~~~~

"Alright, Q, remember what we told you," Bond whispered as he leaned over Q's little chair at the corner computer.

The boy rolled his eyes. "I know how to play pretend, Bond. Kids half as old as I am can figure out how to do that."

James smiled at the annoyance in Q's huffy tone. They had decided not to actually tell the child that he was at risk of being taken out of Bond and Alec's care, afraid it would only upset him and stress him out, which would only hurt them in the long wrong. They _could_ , however, tell him that Bond and Hind would be in big trouble if anyone found out what had really happened, so they needed to do a little cover-up (but lying to anyone who wasn't actually a bad guy was wrong, and Q shouldn't follow their example ever - right, they were doing a fine job at this proper parenting thing already...). Q, naturally, was completely onboard with the little scheme, and was fully prepared to not only try his hand at thespianism, but to help doctor the security footage in the system once all was said and done.

So, with everybody set to go and knowing their parts (and injury-hiding makeup properly applied), Bond left Q-branch and meandered down to the hall from which he would make his grand entrance. Alone. Completely unscathed. The cameras would catch it all just like that.

On R's cue in his earbud, he strolled along with his casual strut, stopped in the Q-branch doorway as he grinned at his small charge, crossed the few feet of space between them, and asked the child if he wanted to go for ice cream. With artfully-crafted exuberance, Q readily agreed, and hopped off his chair to grab Bond's hand and lead the way. All perfectly innocent, father-son,  _normal_ fun to be caught on the security cams that nobody but Q-branch employees ever really watched unless somebody specifically asked them to pull some footage. In this case, they were all  _counting_ on somebody asking to see it.

It was at this point that R, off camera where she could continually direct this innocent but rather elaborate ruse, sent a signal off to the other players in their temporary troupe. It was their turn to go, but not before one more reassurance...

"I'm fine, R," Hind whispered as he stormed into the hallway where he and Bond had participated in their previous idiotic battle over nothing. This time, though, he wouldn't make it to Q-branch to abscond with their youngest MI6 consultant. Instead, right on cue, Saul came limping after him in an awkward but determined attack (the limp still very real courtesy of their earlier sparring session), launching at him to begin the supposed fight between best friends that Bond had to so valiantly break up in keeping with the story they initially reported to Medical.

This, of course, was the next scene of their home video. With 002 and 003 in what appeared to be an all-out brawl (god, R hoped they were being careful with one another...though it didn't look like it at all...) Bond and Q turned the corner with matching looks of surprise on both their faces (wow, Q was actually quite good at this...). The first thing Bond did was to tell Q to go back around the corner and to stay there, then physically maneuvered him into place when the child didn't immediately listen (smart move, Q, because it would've looked suspicious if he'd just done as told without any hesitation), then he threw himself into the fray, doing his best to break up the fight before the dueling agents could accidentally kill each other. Q, naturally, stepped out of his hiding spot to watch, his winces very real as he watched the recently-patched wounds on all three agents open up easily beneath the makeup that had been previously hiding them. At the hidden signal of two taps against Bond's elbow from Hind, one worked out ahead of time to signal that he'd reached his limit, the three landed in a bit of a heap on the floor, all the fire worked out of them. Gregory wheezed like he was supposed to (and again R really hoped he was just that good at pretending and hadn't just aggravated his lung all over again so soon), and Bond, playing at the concerned friend, demanded to know where his inhaler was. Lucky for everybody, Hind was smart enough to actually have it in his pocket (oh, if only he could be so intelligent in real life...), and Bond fished it out for him, taking on Saul's previous role of mother hen. Once it seemed everything was under control and the two fighters were back to being buddy-buddy and dutifully apologizing, Bond volunteered himself to run to Medical for assistance, only then realizing that Q had disobeyed his order to stay around the corner. Mildly chastising the boy, James reached for his hand again and took him away from the bloody scene as quickly as possible, Q throwing one last,  _very_ concerned look over his shoulder.

"Aaaand, cut!" R hissed into everybody's comms, followed immediately with a sharp, mission-style command, "003, report."

"...Fine," Gregory grunted after too long of a pause for R's taste.

She sighed. Why she even bothered sometimes... "002?"

"Yep," he likewise grunted, but at least it was a fast response. "I got him, R. He's okay."

"Good. Okay. Everyone get the hell back to Q-branch emergency station so I can fix you up again."

She watched the screens, nearly facepalming as Bond and Saul helped Gregory to his feet, all three of them grinning like fools through bloodied teeth, and high-fiving one another like fratboys after having pulled some sort of moronic prank. Little Q looked equally satisfied with the whole ordeal. Oh yeah, great role models, all of them.

"I don't why I'm doing this," she muttered to herself briefly before turning to her minions. "Alright, guys, you have the new footage. Splice that all up where it needs to be in the history, wipe and loop anything that shouldn't be."

She would send Q to help them when he got back in while she saw to playing nursemaid for the second time in under a day. She really didn't get paid enough for this nonsense. 

~~~~~~~

R frowned as she finished cleaning up Bond (again), but it wasn't him she was frowning at. She'd already seen to Gregory and Saul, but could now see the way Hind was slouched over in his chair out of the corner of her eye. "You should really go back to Medical," she suggested.

"No." The response had come from all three double-ohs at the same time. Funny how they could go from being mortal enemies one minute to all being part of some weird, connected brain-trust the next.

She glanced between the three of them, wanting to test her theory. "Are you all saying no because you thought I was telling all of you to go to Medical, or because you don't think Gregory should go back to Medical? Because I was really only talking to him."

"We know," Saul said.

"And we disagree," Bond smirked.

Brain-trust, then. Weird.

Saul glanced over at his friend, who had gone back to staring at the floor with half-lidded eyes, no longer feeling the need to be on edge now that he knew his boys had his back on this one. "Being in Medical for too long was what started this whole fucking mess," Saul stated. "Nah. We'll go pick up his dog then head back to my place. I'll keep him out of trouble."

"By that, do you mean get completely wasted and break half the items in your flat?" she asked skeptically.

"Of course," he grinned and threw her a wink. "That's why I never buy anything expensive." 

Seeing how hopeless it was to argue any of...anything, really, she rolled her eyes and sent Bond to help get Hind to the car with strict orders that James come right back up afterwards to collect Q and head home to do real Dad things. What they had just done was cover up a mistake, something to get them on a clean slate to start with because, really, this was only  _just_ the beginning of what was going to be a very long, very difficult mission.


End file.
